First Friends Meeting
Matthew 21:28-32
‘Regret’
Doug Gwyn

Last Sunday, worshipped downstairs. We experienced what the kids had done that week in their Bible School Workshop. They had listened to and thought about the parables of Jesus, just as we’ve been doing for several weeks in our regular worship. I sat in with them one morning and told them a Quaker story. They listened very well, and then Tim and Jay helped them reflect on the story. They made some good connections with other stories they had heard that week. I was impressed how well they worked together.

It reconfirmed to me that Jesus was really on to something with those little stories he told. No wonder little children flocked to him. He told stories that people of all ages could understand. And no wonder so many adults got angry at him. These simple parables can become very troubling, the longer you have lived, the more experience you have had, the more complicated your life has become. Yes, the truth is simple, really – unfortunately, we’re not.

The parable John read for us is a very simple one. As Matthew tells it, Jesus had just arrived in Jerusalem the day before. He had caused a riot in the temple when he drove out the moneychangers. Now, on the second day, he began to teach and large crowds gathered around him. But the chief priests were still burned up about yesterday. They challenged him, asking by what authority he spoke. That is, what’s your source? Is your message from God, or are these just your own ideas you’re spouting here? Jesus refused to answer. Instead, he said, “What do you think?” and told them this simple story of a man with two sons. The father asked both sons to go out and do some work in the vineyard. One said OK, but then didn’t follow through. The other one refused to go. But then changed his mind, went out, and did the work his father asked of him. A very simple story.

Then Jesus told the chief priests and leaders of the people, you know, you’re like that son who said yes to his father, but didn’t go. You have all the right answers, you can recite the laws of Moses and offer the right incantations and sacrifices here in the temple. But you’re not so good at doing God’s will. Now in the time that John the Baptist and I have been preaching, all kinds of people, even tax collectors and prostitutes, have been responding. Many of these people had said ‘no’ to God for many years of their lives. But they have changed their minds. They are starting to do God’s will in their lives. They’re entering the kingdom of God ahead of you.

So Jesus turned the question around, really. The authorities asked him about the source of his teaching. But Jesus refused to answer. He knew that you can argue for ever whether you’re speaking a word from the Lord or not. You can cite chapter and verse, you can claim the Spirit’s leading. But your opponents can cite their own chapters and verses, claim their own leadings. So Jesus shifted the question from sources to results. From causes to effects. In effect, Jesus was saying, my ministry is changing people’s lives. Why doesn’t it change yours?

It’s really that simple. And I could stop right here, wag my finger at you, and tell you to change your life. But we’re not that simple. So what needs to happen inside to help us make those changes? As I sat with this parable, I found my attention settling on the point where the first son refused to work for his father, but then changed his mind. The KJV translates ‘repented’. The Greek verb here, metamelomai, can also be translated ‘regretted’. Regret is something that we’re bound to experience in our lives. Even with the best of intentions, we don’t always get it right. Regrets seem to accumulate as the years go on. Some mistakes we regret painfully the rest of our lives. But Jesus tells us the simple story of a boy – someone who hasn’t had time yet to regret much. The boy refuses to do what his father asks. But then he regrets it and does what his father asked. He apparently doesn’t even tell his father. He just regrets his first response and changes course. The simplicity of a child’s change of heart can teach even the oldest and most regretful of us adults.

This parable tells us that regret can be a powerful force for change in our lives. That’s good, since regret seems to be inevitable. Actually, when you think about it, we have to cross the line, make a mistake, go wrong, before we really know what right is, before we can become more intentional and faithful in doing the right thing. In Latin, the term is felix culpa, ‘happy sin’ – the sin that teaches us something. The term, felix culpa, was coined to describe the fall of Adam and Eve in the garden. They didn’t really understand what they were doing. It was a big mistake, with terrible consequences. They were ashamed – they couldn’t face each other any more without covering up. They ran and hid when they heard God coming. But God didn’t reject them. God called them from out of the bushes and said, let’s work on this together. Adam and Eve had to leave the innocent bliss of the garden in order to grow up, to become real partners with God. To choose the good, they needed to know good and evil. They would regret their mistake the rest of their lives. But as they lived that regret in conversation with God, they became truly human.

Their son Cain made a much worse mistake. He was so competitive with his brother Abel, so jealous of him, that he murdered him. But God didn’t give up on Cain. God didn’t demand the death penalty. God said, I’ll keep working with you, Cain. But Cain refused to live with that regret and keep talking with God. As Genesis tells it, he fled God’s presence and built the first city. Now, in ancient times, a city wasn’t just where a lot of people lived and worked. It was a walled fortress. It was a defensive structure. So Cain is credited as the first person to live with a fortress mentality. Cain lived in paranoid fear of others. He hid from his regret by hiding from God. And that’s just Genesis 4. The rest of the whole Bible is about God trying to get people to come back into the conversation. To live with our regrets before God.

The great characters of the Bible are those who live with their regrets, who don’t flee from God. The Old Testament tells us how God really loved David. Now David did some terrible things in his life. But David faced his mistakes, and kept coming back to God, and became a better man. Jesus made Peter the rock to build his Church upon. But Peter was not solid. He was impulsive and volatile. He kept making mistakes. But he also kept coming back. He even came back from denying his best friend three times. You know that Peter didn’t just shrug that one off. You know he lived with that regret of his life. But that regret, when he reconnected with Jesus, became fuel. He burned brighter as a witness to Christ because of his regrets. The Samaritan woman in the Gospel of John is another example. After talking a while, Jesus asked her to bring her husband. She said she wasn’t married. Jesus replied, that’s right, you’ve been married five times and now you’re just living with someone. Now, this Liz Taylor of the Samaritans didn’t just slink away and say, that terrible man – he made me feel so bad about myself! No, she came right back at Jesus. She said, you’re some kind of prophet – tell me more! Later, she went back to her village and told people, come hear this man who told me everything I have ever done! Do you think he might be the Messiah?

In Room Four we’re studying the life and spirituality of John Woolman, the great colonial American Quaker prophet. One of the real turning points of his life came in his early 20s, when his boss told him to write a bill of sale for a man who was selling one of his slaves. Young John Woolman was uneasy about it. He told the slave-owner that he felt slaveholding was unchristian. But he went ahead and wrote the bill of sale. He crossed a line. He went ahead and did something he even knew at the time was wrong. He could have crossed that line and just kept going. He could have started saying ‘oh, whatever’ (the great mantra of our time). But he chose to live with the pain of that regret. He brought it to God and let God work with it. That moment turned out to be the beginning of John Woolman’s work to abolish slaveholding among Friends. It’s one of the key starting points for Quakers becoming the vanguard of the antislavery movement. That anecdote is one of the better-known parts of John Woolman’s life. Fewer people know that for several years to come, Woolman also worked to buy that slave-girl’s freedom. He eventually succeeded. He could never erase his regret at helping continue that woman’s captivity for several more years. But he eventually helped win her freedom. It’s a powerful story of redemption – both her redemption from slavery and his redemption too. Redemption from regret, but by way of regret.

To live with our regrets before our Lord, before our Creator and Redeemer – this is truly human, our highest humanity. It’s not easy. There are some sleepless nights. There are the occasional winces of pain from our consciences. But there is also a greatness of heart. God is not through with us yet. The day is not done. The vineyard is still open to us.